Lie To Me.
People suck. Always have, always will.I was told to open up, I was told to trust. But, in the end, it turned out just as I predicted in the first place.
People say they're there for you, because it makes them feel better about themselves; like they're being noble and doing some good deed. Or they say it so you'll feel better and believe that someone actually cares. But, ultimately, they don't give a FUCK. People are too wrapped up in their own worlds to care about the problems of others.
I don't give a damn, I really don't. I learned a long time ago not to have expectations, and not to set people on pedestals. But I just wish people wouldn't say things they don't mean.
I could have saved myself the embarrassment of letting another person into my mind,
and trusting them with all of my secrets and problems.
The only thing that this whole debacle has proven to me:
I really am alone.
On Thursday, July 30, 2009 at 4:05 PM
The Dreamer's Ball
There is a spot on the dance floorin the middle of the room
that seemed to be created
just for me and you
And as you took my hand,
and led me there
I forgot to feel.
And the push of the bodies,
and the feel of the sound,
wiped the pain away.
There was only air,
tinged with dreams
and the heat of your breath
as you whispered in my ear
And the vines kept creeping up
trying to pull me down
And you held your hand out still
And the floor cracked around us,
hell threatening to suck me in
And the world around me shattered,
and I let out a scream
but you held me close
and I clung to your arms
And my tears filled the room,
with a scarlet sea
I was drowning in my despair,
I couldnt breathe.
But the music found it's way through,
and I opened my eyes
to see your light.
And I floated away to the sky,
dancing,
dancing,
dancing,
the entire time.
On Wednesday, July 29, 2009 at 4:53 PM
It was written in the sky.
I started working on something the other day, and I think it's really going somewhere. I'm not sure what my future as a novelist will look like, it's not even my aspiration really, but maybe I'll actually write something worth being published someday.As of now, I am still captivated by the idea of writing for a magazine... and perhaps being an editor someday. It's just the kind of life I want; the things I can see myself doing whenever I close my eyes and imagine my future-self.
But I have all these faces floating around in my head, and all these voices whispering stories to me; stories that apparently locked up in the back of my mind. And then there are the dreams... these crazy, ridiculously real dreams that I can't seem to shake each morning. I cannot help but write it all down. I feel like my mind is creating these things for a reason, and I must capture them all. And, of course, once I have, I can't help but continue working on them. It's an obsessive ritual.
I'm not sure if I'll ever share these stories with anyone, but it makes me happy to know that I'm doing something... creating something. It's like a sigh of relief, my writing is. I'm brushing away the clutter in my mind that's been bogging me down, and yet I'm not losing anything at all.
On Tuesday, July 28, 2009 at 2:10 PM
They're so sweet, these songs I sing.
And I had a dreamthat I was sitting on a cloud
and you were floating toward me,
umbrella in hand.
In your palm
glittered stars like jewels,
you sprinkled them upon me
and I opened my umbrella too.
And we floated away,
into infinite space
our dreams lit up the night
like fire in the sky.
On Friday, July 24, 2009 at 11:01 PM
Watch me float away, away on my sea of dreams.
I don't want to try anymore.I've spent so much time trying to find something that I missed out on...
so much time trying to find ways to make this summer "the best",
to cram all the teenage experiences I never got to have into it,
just to discover that I really wasn't missing much at all.
Just a bunch of disappointment and reality crashes...
which I guess is ironic because that does happen to be the title of my blog...
the reason I started it to begin with; it's nothing like I planned it to be.
But whatever.
I'm just ready to get out of here and find something new.
at 10:49 PM
Share with me the secrets of your world.
I feel like my head is spinning, spinning. And I can't get it to stop. I can't see straight. I can't think. I can't even feel.It's not even like the glass has been cracked, or shattered. It's been crushed into powder. Just shimmery fragments too minuscule to be recognized for what they once were. You can't make glass out of powder. You can't fix it this time. It's too far gone. Too late.
It's much, much too late.
I just want to stand still for awhile and close my eyes. And when I open them again I want to feel peace. Normalcy. I just want things to be the same again.
They can't fall apart now.
Not ever.
It's much, much too late.
I just want to stand still for awhile and close my eyes. And when I open them again I want to feel peace. Normalcy. I just want things to be the same again.
They can't fall apart now.
Not ever.
On Tuesday, July 21, 2009 at 10:48 PM
Is it so wrong,
To be there for a person who is heartbroken while, in the back of your mind, "This is my chance" plays on repeat the entire time -- no matter how hard you try to block it out?I am going insane.
On Thursday, July 16, 2009 at 9:22 PM
Welcome To The Finish Line
I am so tired of coming in last place in this ridiculous race against a worthless waste of space. She uses, uses, uses; takes, takes, takes; never gives. Oh, but how can I compare to such wonder?! I am no more than a mere good person. Haven't you heard? Trashy people are all the rage these days!Smack your girl and call her a hoe and you automatically win out over the guy who buys her dinner and treats her like a queen! Talk endless trash about your friends behind their backs and they'll embrace you much sooner than they would the true friends! And use people, constantly mooch of them, spew nothing but lies from your mouth, and blame your bitchy attitude and unacceptable comments on having a "diabetic sugar attack" and you'll automatically win one of their hearts; they'll even choose their you over their kid!
I hope she chokes.
On Thursday, July 2, 2009 at 7:41 PM
Leave your thoughts here.
By title
Lie To Me.
The Dreamer's Ball
It was written in the sky.
They're so sweet, these songs I sing.
Watch me float away, away on my sea of dreams.
Share with me the secrets of your world.
Is it so wrong,
Welcome To The Finish Line
By month
September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 March 2011 June 2011 September 2011