never let go.
From the darkest of places, brilliance can emerge. I'm so proud of my baby brother; he's finally turning his life around and taking the steps to unleash the potential he has inside. Despite everything that has happened in the last year, I love him more than I love myself and that will never change. I will never stop believing in him or stop trying to help him.I would lay my life down for Kenny and Chasey and maybe that's something that most people can't understand... you might say that you'd do the same for your siblings but, think about it. Would you really? If it came down to one moment, one bullet, one decision to end your life for the sake of someone else, would you really take that chance? I would. Beyond all doubt. It doesn't matter what they do, who they hurt, how they handle decisions in life, or get put in the situations they are put in... even if it was in vain, I would die so that they could live. Because, no matter who they become, a world without them wouldn't be a world worth living in.
Some people will tell you to keep your head up when you're in a bad place because things always get better. But that isn't true. For some people, things only get worse. But there is always hope... hope, whether it brings out good results or turns out to have been pointless in the end, gives people a reason to live. At least for awhile. Everyone needs something to hold onto. And, when my entire world was crashing down around my ankles, I held onto hope. In a lot of cases, it HAS been useless. I had hope that God would answer my prayers... that he would grant me the ONE thing that I wanted more than anything in the world. I had hope that, if I wanted it badly enough, my papa could get better. But he didn't. He just kept getting worse and worse until he couldn't move, couldn't speak, and could barely recognize us. And then he died. And all the hope I had left in my soul just drained away. And for the longest time life has seemed so pointless. College seemed pointless. Making friends seemed pointless. Trying to pull myself out of this state of loneliness seemed pointless. And trying to turn Kenny back into the wonderful person he used to be seemed pointless. But all it took was one hug. And there, in the comfort and familiarity of my little brother's arms, the smallest bit of hope found it's way back inside. My papa isn't here anymore, but other people I love are. And for me to give up, would be wrong and unfair to them.
And the most miraculous thing is... as soon as that little bit of hope found it's way back into my heart, it seemed to find it's way back into Kenny's heart as well. Maybe he'll change his mind, maybe he'll keep drifting further away until I can't see him at all. But maybe he wont. Maybe he'll keep making good decisions and turn back into the person he used to be and then blossom into someone new. Maybe he'll take all of the potential and talent he's keeping hidden from the world and throw it out there for everyone to see. It doesn't matter, because either way, my hand will always be out there for him to take.
On Friday, October 22, 2010 at 4:19 PM
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