Warm yourself up.
The events of the last few days, have only made me realize that most of my problems are only there because I keep them there. They are only big because I make them big. And they only remain sharp because I wont let them fade. If I keep trudging up the past, I'm never going to move on. I don't want to grow up, but it is inevitable and something I must do. The world can't just change me; 18 isn't some magical number that morphs me into an adult. I have to be the one to make the changes.Wednesday night, I went to Indy with my cousin Sherri. It was an absolute blast; getting to be out of the house and re-connect with one of my best friends. We went to the costume store and to the circle centre mall (which I thought was amazing because I had never been) I found some amazing stuff that complimented my style perfectly. But I purchased nothing while the 200 dollars in my pocket steadily burnt a hole in my pocket. This made me really proud; I am getting closer to a car, no matter how badly I need new clothes.
When we came back to my house that night, around 11:30, I got out of the car with the intentions of grabbing some sweats and getting my brother (who was staying the night as well) but then the pizza man pulled to a stop and brought my attention to a rather peculiar situation. The was a small girl wandering around on the other side of the street, bawling her eyes out. He asked me if I knew who she was, because she'd been out there for awhile. I said no, but thanked him and assured him that I would find out. So my cousin and I went over the the girl. She was absolutely freezing; wearing nothing but a thin shirt, jeans and shoes, and no coat. When we approached her, my cousin talked calmly and asked her if she knew where she lived. The girl became frantic and tried to run away. With a little more coaxing we managed to calm her down and walk her across the street to my house. At that time, my mom came out the door. We caught her up on the events, and she went inside to call the police. The girl, who's name we couldn't make out, told us that she was three and she didn't know where she lived. Her hands were frozen, and her face was tear streaked. We wrapped her in a blanket and sat her up on the couch until the policeman got there. The police officer was a straight jerk. He didn't hold the little girl's hand or talk softly to her. His voice was blunt and too professional, and when he led her to his car, she merely had to walk behind him and try to keep up. My mom asked him if he would call and let her know what happened, but he laughed as if it were a joke.
Eventually, we heard people yelling from the apartments nearby. The officer went to check it out and apparently found that the people yelling were the ones who had lost the girl. It appalled me that he just gave the girl back. Should he have not taken her in? Or called cps? Something?
These people were wide awake, and there were over five of them. In a house with five adults wide awake, how does a three year old girl manage to walk out of the house and make her way a block over without being noticed? How does that three year old stay gone for nearly an hour without anyone noticing? It's only proof that they didn't care. I don't think the fact that half the people who live in those apartments are avid drug-dealers/doers is a coincidence. It kills me how much people don't care. How that girls entire house full of people didn't care. How the police officer didn't care. And how the officer acted when discovering that we DID care. It was eye-opening for me because I know, had I gone missing, my parent's would be looking for me. Immediately. They wouldn't just stand at the door and call my name. They would go look. Because the one time I did go missing, when I was three, my mom was there in minutes crying and holding me and refusing to let go. She hasn't let go since. And for the very first time, I finally understood why my parent's are the way they are. My mom knows where I am 24/7, because not knowing leads to not being able to find. She would rather smother me with over-protection than take a risk at losing me. Better safe than sorry.
Then there was lastnight. Yesterday, around 6, I remembered that Thursday was youth group at Bethel. My friends Brittany and Jackie had been inviting me to come for quite a while. So, I texted Christian and asked him what time youth started. I was a little late, but I made it. And my brother was there too. I caught most of the lesson, and I was shocked. Not because it was bad but because it was good. And very coincidental. The pastor talked about texted and IMing and such, and how we talk to the opposite sex using them. He talked about not letting ourselves fall into temptation, and not letting ourselves be led into traps. He was talking about sex, obviously. It kind of made me feel ashamed, and I thought my cell phone would burst into flames in my jeans pocket. I already knew that I was behaving stupidly, and wrongly for more than just one reason. But I always justified it by saying "it's just flirting". But what comes after flirting? And after that? And though I tell myself that it is only flirting, does the other person know that? Am I making myself clear or am I signifying that something more can happen? I think I just need to stop. I need to stop it before it goes too far. But I dont know if I'm strong enough. =/
Anywho...
After the lesson and groups, we went out to the gym where a savage game of dodge ball took place. amazing. And then my brother and I went to Brittany's house for a bonfire. It was really fun, and eye-opening. Because everyone got along with me. Everyone made me feel welcome. And I also got to really see people; for who they were and not who I'd thought they were at school. I made friends. It felt so great. I am going to youth group every Thursday now and I am going to explore these friendships further. I've decided that I'm not going to sit around and wait for something good to happen to me, I am going to make good things happen to me. It starts now. :]
On Friday, October 31, 2008 at 9:02 AM
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